Can cheating amount to coercive control?

Ashley Madison, is an online dating service and social networking platform marketed to people who are married or in committed relationships.

The website is known for its slogan “Life is short. Have an affair.” and has faced criticism and controversy for promoting infidelity.

It is currently trending on Netflix and has generated quite the water cooler conversation about the personal and legal ramifications of cheating.

We have had many clients (and colleagues) ask if having an affair is illegal/criminal in Victoria.

My high level advice is:

Affairs can be a form of coercive control (ie family violence), depending on the context and impact of the affair, together with the intention of the person having the affair.

When one partner engages in an affair, they are often exerting power and control over their partner by betraying their trust, manipulating their emotions, and causing emotional harm. The affair can be used as a way to control the partner’s behavior, emotions, and choices by threatening to leave them or using the affair as a way to manipulate and gaslight them.

In some cases, the affair may also involve physical or sexual coercion, further reinforcing the power dynamics in the relationship.

Overall, affairs can be a form of coercive control and can have damaging effects on the partner who is being manipulated and controlled.

To be clear, infidelity alone is not coercive control, but the behaviour that comes with cheating and the impact it has on a partner (whether they are the ‘cheater’ or the one being cheated on), may meet the definition of family violence per Victoria’s Family Violence Protection Act.

The Courts only have to be satisfied on the balance of probabilities that coercive control has occurred (in Intervention Order applications). Such behaviour may include emotional manipulation, financial control and/or physical abuse.

A case study: A husband cheated on his wife. She found out. The husband told her he was feeling neglected and lonely since she gave birth to their child and would continue to cheat for as long as the marriage wasn’t fulfilling his needs.

The wife felt worthless, her esteem deteriorated and she tried to win back his affection by being intimate with him again, even though she didn’t enjoy it. This was considered emotional and psychological manipulation by the Court.

This can be deemed coercive control.

This behaviour can warrant an intervention order being granted against the person having the affair (on the grounds family violence has been committed).

Whilst coercive control or having an affair are not criminal acts/able to be prosecuted in Victoria, if committed when an intervention order is in place, this behaviour could constitute a breach of the order and result in criminal charges. Whereas, currently in Tasmania and from July 2024 in NSW and from 2025 in QLD, coercive control is a criminal offence.

So before having a fling, or if you’re looking for an extramarital relationship on or offline, consider the above legal ramifications.

Article by Lauren Cassimatis – Principal lawyer

Meet Lauren Cassimatis

Principal Lawyer, Director & Founder | Accredited Criminal Law Specialist Lauren is one of Victoria’s leading criminal lawyers and a Law Institute of Victoria Accredited Specialist in Criminal Law.